Friends and Family
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: The way that Mira's siblings and his friends can ruin every single interaction between him and his girlfriend is just uncanny to Laxus. Absolutely uncanny. - One-shot.


Friends and Family

"-get up on time," Mirajane was complaining as she walked down the hall of her tiny home. "You always try to sleep late. I mean, Lax, if you don't wanna get up with me, fine, but don't say that you're going to get up and walk me to the guildhall if you're not."

"I'm up, ain't I?" he grumbled as he followed along, only clad in a pair of jeans. He had enough decency to slip them on, just in case her siblings were around.

As he found out though, they didn't have the same for him.

"Aw, gross."

"Lisanna," Mira hissed as Laxus made some gagging noises. They'd gotten to the kitchen only to flip on the light and find her in there with Bickslow.

"Mmmph," she complained as he pulled out of the kiss, over by the counter, which she was seated on top of. "Bick-"

"Hey, boss," he grinned, looking over at him. "I was just-"

"Fucking my girlfriend's sister. I saw."

"That is not-"

"You're always so vulgar," Mira told him, swatting at his arm as Laxus only headed over to the table. "And Lisanna, don't…sit on the counter for one, but… When did you even get here, Bickslow?"

"Just a few minutes ago," he said as Lisanna jumped off the counter. "I was comin' over to eat breakfast."

"Oh?" Mira looked to her sister who was still giving her the stink eye, annoyed that she'd ruined her fun. "You're making him breakfast?"

"No," she grumbled. "I figured you would."

"I like omelets," Bickslow told her, rubbing his hands together. "But will eat most anything."

"Get in line, freak," Laxus grumbled. He was always a little grumpy in the morning. Bickslow didn't hold it against him.

"And where are you dolls?" Mira kept up. She was kinda annoyed that Lisanna had had a guest over without mentioning it. Finding them making out in the kitchen hadn't helped anything either. "Bickslow?"

"They're around." He was just walking out of the room then, like he owned the place. Lisanna was quick to follow.

"Call us for breakfast," the youngest Strauss sibling said to which the elder only rolled her eyes.

"Want me to kick him out?" Laxus asked as she got started on the coffee.

"No," Mira groaned. "Just…I dunno. It bothers me sometimes, I guess that she's so…old."

Grunt. Then, "I keep a pretty good watch on him, Mira. They ain't doin' nothing too bad."

"Kissing in my kitchen is bad," she said. "And I already know that they're having-"

"Laxus!"

He frowned as suddenly someone else came into the room then, just to toss their arms around him.

"Ever," he grumbled stiffly. "Didn't know you were here."

"Well, I came home with Elfman last night and-"

"Did you want breakfast?" Mirajane was straight to business. She did have to get to work soon. "Or does Elf? Do you know?"

"I-"

"Of course I want breakfast. What sorta man doesn't eat breakfast?"

Elfman was coming into the room then, immediately going to hug his sister who only smiled at him.

"Well, Laxus wants pancakes, so is that what you want? Bickslow asked for an omelet-"

"Bickslow's here?" Ever frowned.

"In the living room," Mira said. "Or at least that's where he and Lisanna ran off to."

"Thought I smelled something foul," Elfman remarked, going to get himself a glass of juice.

"Sure it was just your own stench," Laxus remarked as Ever let him go, only to shove his shoulder slightly.

She would have loved for her idol and boyfriend to be best friends, but, as it was turning out, that was just out of the question.

"Laxus," Mira sighed, glancing over at him as well. "Go back to bed if you're going to be grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy. Stop saying that. I'm not some sort of little kid that-"

"Then sit there quietly. Or listen to your music. Something."

Grunt. Then, "Ever, go get my headphones. They're in Mira's room."

"You don't have to do his bidding, Evergreen," Elfman said, glancing over at the other man with contempt in his eyes. "A man doesn't need a woman to do petty things for him. He can do them himself!"

"Considering Mirajane makes your food, cleans your room, and washes your clothes, I'd, gee, I dunno, shut the fuck up?"

"Laxus!" Mira wasn't playing anymore. He could hear it in her tone. "Behave."

"Fine," he grumbled.

"You too, Elf," she ordered as Ever scurried off to do as was asked of her. "I'm tired of having to referee things in this house. If it's not you two, it's Lisanna and Ever. I'm sick of it. I don't have children and I'm tired of acting like I'm a mother. You're all grown. Act like it."

Laxus laid his head down on the table, seething silently, while Elfman took to pouting, walking out of the kitchen with his drink and into the living room, hoping to find peace in there.

He got none.

"Hey! Get your hands off my sister!"

"Lissy, keep him away from me!"

"Elfman, leave him alone! We were in here first."

Mirajane groaned before calling out to all of them, "If I hear one more word out of any of you, I'm kicking you all out of the house right now. You're not babies. And Lisanna, no one wants to see you and Bickslow… Just go to your room!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"The babies are asleep in there," Bickslow answered for her.

Instead of speaking to him, Mira glanced over at her own boyfriend. "They sleep?"

"I don't even know," he said, not lifting his head. "Just kick 'em out. Please. I'm begging you."

"Oh, Laxus."

"You need your own place, Mir. Away from them."

"I can't leave," she said as she went back to his pancakes. "How could I? I've lived here since-"

"Well, stop living here," he said. "I mean, you guys are all grown. And, apparently, grossing one another out."

She sighed when she heard Elfman and Lisanna begin to bicker once more from the living room. "We're all just…adjusting. That's all."

"Some adjustment."

Ever was back then with his headphones and, upon hearing her boyfriend and one of her best friends arguing in the other room, she went in to mediate. And probably hit Elfman.

She did that a lot.

"Where would I even move, Laxus?"

"I dunno."

"I wouldn't want to live in an apartment. I would want a house. I like living in a house. Having a yard and-"

"Then buy a new house. And leave them this one."

"But-"

"I'm just saying, Mira," he began slowly as he moved to hook his headphones onto his ears, "that, you know, I'm moving out of my apartment soon and maybe we could look at houses together."

She stayed facing the stove then, but did pause for a moment before asking slowly, "You mean, like, look at the same time for separate houses or…or look for one house? For both of us?"

He was getting flustered with his headphones, which, by the way, is not a word that should ever be used to describe Laxus Dreyar.

But there was no word more fitting in that moment.

"For both of us," he said slowly. "Together."

Mira let that sit for a moment before saying slowly, "I'm sorry, Lax, but you know my rule. I told you that I won't move in with a guy until-"

"Until he proposes. I know."

"Then-"

"Then?"

She glanced back at him once more. "Wh… No. Laxus, not now!"

"What?"

"No. I'm all…nasty and I haven't showered and I'm in the middle of-"

"I only do things once, demon," he grumbled, getting to his feet. So many putting on the jeans had been for a little bit more than courtesy. Reaching into his pocket, he said, "So pick. We doin' this or-"

"Yes!" She practically bounced over to him then, hardly giving him enough time to get the ring out before she threw her arms around him. "I-"

"Ew, gross, Mira," Lisanna mocked as she came into the kitchen then, no doubt to escape Elfman. "Don't you have a room or something?"

"Laxus is proposing to me!"

That made her sister stop. "He's what?"

"Well, I'm trying to here," he complained as Mira held tightly to him. "But you're kinda ruining it, demon."

"Were you gonna get down on one knee or-"

"Ew, gross, no." Laxus patted her on the head. "What type of man you take me for?"

"Let me see it, let me see it." Lisanna was over at him too then, trying to grab at the ring and Laxus was just over it.

"You sisters are freaks. Leave me alone!"

"Boss!" Bickslow rushed into the kitchen at the sound of the man's cry. "Are you- What are you doin', Lissy?"

"Laxus is proposing to Mirajane."

He growled. "I was trying to keep this a me and Mira thing. Not-"

"Laxus is what?" Elfman was back again, clearly enraged over the whole thing. "Mira, say no! He isn't a man enough for you. You're more of a man than him. You're more of a man than anybody."

"What?" Ever was in the room then too. "Seriously?"

"Can I be your maid of honor?" Lisanna asked as Laxus finally handed the little black box over to her sister. "Please? Can I help you plan it? This is so great!"

"Plan it?" Laxus was assaulted then by Evergreen as she hugged the hell out of him. Bickslow was quick to do the same. "What do you mean by that? Aren't we just going to sign the little license and-"

"Of course not, Laxus," Mira said, frowning at him. "We're going to have a huge wedding. With everyone invited and I'm going to have an amazing cake and dress and-"

"You're killing me," he groaned as Ever moved on to Mira then, to get her own glimpse of the ring. "We're seriously not going to have a wedding, are we?"

"I'm having a wedding. If you want me to use some other guy instead of you, fine. But you're paying for it." Mira got distracted about then though, ogling over her ring. "It's so beautiful! Thank you, Laxus! I love you, like, so much right now. Forever."

Grunt. Then, "If you love me, finish making my food. I think you're burning that-"

"The pancakes!" Mira turned quickly then, rushing back over to the stove. "You surprised me."

"That was kinda the point," he said. Honestly, he'd surprised himself. He'd thought that he would do it later, before she left for the guildhall, but then the mood just struck him. "I actually, uh, wrote you somethin'. To go along with it."

"Boss." Bickslow wiped at his eyes. "You're gonna make me tear up."

"Wedding's are so manly." Apparently, Elfman was coming around to the idea then as he broke down in tears as well, rushing to go throw his arms around Mirajane, who was hoping to salvage the pancake she'd left on the stove. "I can't believe you're getting married. This is all so sudden. And…and… I can't handle it!"

"Elfman," Ever hissed, glaring over at him. "You're embarrassing me in front of Laxus."

"It's okay," the lightning mage told her dryly. "He'd embarrass anyone in front of anyone. Just being with him is an embarrassment."

Bickslow shook his head then. "You know, boss man, I'mma need you to make me your best man. Since, you know, Lissy here is the maid of honor. It's sort of a thing, you know? And I look damn good in a suit, as you know. And my babies can be the ring bearers!"

Laxus blinked. Then he grunted and went back to the kitchen table. "Freed is my best man."

"Wha-"

"Oh, and Lisanna," Mira spoke up then, glancing back at her. "Erza and I sort of have this thing, you know? Where we'll be each others-"

"What? Mira-"

"It's just a thing."

"You don't even like Erza."

"Nobody," Ever began, stiffening just from the name, "likes Erza."

"Meh," Bickslow said, shrugging, depressed over being rejected by Laxus. And so easily too! "I could take her or leave her. Just like, apparently, Laxus can take or leave me!"

"Erza? Over your own sister?" Lisanna was still in a state of disbelief. "That's low, Mira."

"It's just a thing. You can still be a bridesmaid. And Bickslow can still be a groomsman."

"Really?"

Mira nodded. "You too, Elf. And Ever."

Elfman was still sobbing, but grumbled out an, "Okay."

"No," Laxus said just as quickly. "No to all of that. No way. I-"

"You're cuttin' deep here, boss."

"Yeah," Lisanna agreed with her boyfriend. "And you might not get this yet, Laxus, because you're an only child, but I'm going to be your sister now. Your younger sister. You pretty much have to do whatever I want."

Elfman nodded morosely. "It's a thing."

"That sounds horrible," Bickslow said.

"You already do everything I want," Lisanna retorted.

"That's different. I'm gettin', you know, benefits. What's Laxus getting out of it?"

"Uh, gee, access to my sister?"

Laxus glanced at Mirajane. Then he grunted.

"Laxus," she complained. "I'm worth more than a grunt."

"Fine. Lisanna, you can be in the wedding. If I get to fuck your sister and marry her. Is that how this works?"

Lisanna made a face at his wording, but still nodded. "Good enough."

"No," Elfman said loudly. "It's not. And I don't agree with this."

"Oh, Elf," Mira sighed. 'You guys are going to have to get along. For the baby's sake."

"Wait you're-"

"No," Laxus cut off Ever who looked about ready to die. Laxus figured the day was pretty traumatic for her, considering it was only seven in the morning. "She's not…are you?"

"Of course not," Mira said. "But soon, right?"

Grunt.

"Laxus."

"So am I at least getting my omelet?" Bickslow was still pouting. "Or should I just leave? Since you guys are being so mean and all."

"Poor Bickslow," Lisanna said, going to rub his shoulder. "Tell you what, just since you feel bad, I won't hookup with one of the groomsmen."

"Why would you have?"

"It's, like, a love story in the making. I meet one of Laxus hot, older friends-"

"I am one of his hot older friends! And we are in the middle of a love story here, Lissy, if you would just try and pay attention!"

"Why are you all yelling so much today?" Mira complained. "And the coffee is ready, Lax, if you want some."

"Ever," he said, giving out his half order. She jumped into action as Elfman only grew more annoyed.

"Stop bossing my girlfriend around!"

"I can't help it, Elfman," Laxus told him as he went to work putting his headphones on, for real that time, "if I'm better than you and that your sister and girlfriend like me more. It's just the way life goes. Get the hell over it."

"Laxus," Mira scolded as Ever gave him a look when she sat the coffee mug in front of him. When he returned it though, the woman only grinned because, honestly, she loved Elfman, but the favor of Laxus was much harder to win and a lot quicker to lose.

"If it helps," Lisanna offered up then, glancing at her brother. "You're still my favorite brother, Elf."

"Thank-"

"But you don't like him more than me though, right?" Bickslow asked.

Lisanna reached up to tap her finger in the center of his face tattoo. "Of course not."

"Hey," Elfman complained as Bickslow bowed his head to kiss hers.

"No," Mira called over to them, hardly glancing over her shoulder. "I told you guys, none of us wanna see you makeout. At all. So go away. I'll call you for breakfast, remember? And you too, Elf, Ever. There's too many people in here. I have to hurry if I'm going to make it down to the guild on time. You're all ruining my perfect proposal here."

"Come on, Mira," Lisanna said. "It's not like it was by someone great. It was Laxus who proposed to you. This isn't even an honorary mention in your life."

"Lissy," Bickslow complained. "Do you know what every woman in the world would give up to be married to Laxus? Huh? Or Freed? And, I mean, boss, I would say no if you asked me, but I would definitely think about it some first before I turned you down."

Laxus didn't grunt that time. He growled, if only slightly. That was hint enough for all four of them to clear out, Ever and Elfman calling out to Mirajane that they didn't need breakfast, they'd just go out for that. Bickslow though requested once more for his omelet as Lisanna drug him off, giggling for him to shut up the whole time.

"Is that the trick then?" Mira asked. "To get rid of all of them?"

Laxus shook his head slightly. "You'd think it wouldn't have taken us this long to realize it."

"You want bacon with your pancakes?"

With a nod, he added, "This is exactly why I'm marrying you, demon."

She giggled. "How long have you been thinking of doing this?"

"A while."

"You said that you wrote something?"

He nodded. "Nothin', really. Just wrote down what I was gonna say, you know? So I didn't screw it up. Then…then I did screw it up."

"No," Mira sighed. "Believe me, Lax, there were tons of worse ways this could have gone. Besides, I think that it's sweet that they were all here to- Oh crap."

"What?"

She was turning off the stove then, ignoring the fact she had only gotten him one pancake cooked and no bacon. "We have to go catch Ever and Elfman."

"Why? What-"

"They're going to tell people. Before I have a chance to tell people. And we cannot let that happen."

"What? Mira," he complained as she rushed from the kitchen to her bedroom, no doubt to get dressed. "I'm hungry!"

"I'll feed you later," she said. "Now come on! Come put a shirt on or something."

"Mirajane-"

"I am getting married once, Laxus. Which means I am going to be able to announce that I'm getting married once. Do you really wanna take this from me?"

"No," he groaned, getting up. "But I really don't like you right now."

"But you love me," she said. "And that's all that matters."

It took them a full five minutes before they took off, Mira even skipping her shower and makeup.

Laxus figured she'd use the bathhouse at the guild when they got there.

"Can't believe she left without making me my omelet. If this is what it's like to have a sister, I don't want one!"

"Mira and Laxus are getting married, Bick, not us," she told him as they headed back into the kitchen at the departure of the others. He hit the lights as she only went to jump back up on the counter, kicking her feet back and forth. The dolls were with them then, as they'd gotten them from her bedroom, and took to making noises as they floating around, playing with one another. "She's not your sister."

"I considered her my sister," he complained, coming to stand in front of her so they could get back to what they'd been doing before they were rudely interrupted.

And for what? So Mira could _not_ make anyone breakfast? Ludicrous! Absolutely ludicrous.

"Before this," he added.

"Poor Bicks." She patted his cheek then. "You want me to make you breakfast?"

"Nah. I'll eat the boss's pancake. Burnt pancake, that is." He reached over to where it was sitting on the counter and ripped off a piece. "Besides, I'mma let you in on a little secret, Lissy. I didn't really come over here for the breakfast."

"What?"

"I know."

"I'll let you on a bigger one," she said, grinning at him as she moved her hand down from his cheek and to his neck, which she wrapped it around. "That's not why I really invited you over."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"I feel used."

"I haven't even used you yet."

"Mmmm." He ripped off some more of the pancake. "Your sister's food tastes good even burnt."

"Uh, yeah, thinking about Mira right now really isn't one of the things I want to do."

"What do you wanna do?"

"What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna do what you wanna do."

"Me too."

"Us too!" The dolls came over to investigate then. "Papa? Lissy?"

She sighed as he only frowned.

"You guys have, like, the worst timing, you know?" He reached up to grab one of them. Puppu. "Come on, guys. Back to Lissy's room."

She only giggled, jumping down as well. "I think we should just give up on this."

"Give up? The day is young!"

"I'm sure I'm really supposed to go down and catch Mira at the guild. You know, offer to cover for her? So she and Laxus could spend the day together?"

"Why would you do that?"

"It sounds like the sisterly thing to do."

"Hmmm."

"But I still need to shower before then."

"Shower huh?"

"Mmmhmm."

"That sounds great."

"It really does."

"And besides," he added as they went to drop the babies off in her bedroom, so they didn't mess anything up in the house. "I think I'm supposed to train with Freed today."

"You think?"

"That's what I said."

"Poor Freed," Lisanna giggled as she went to pick out an outfit before they went into the bathroom. "He never gets to be here for all this."

"All this?"

"You know. This." She gestured around. "Me being mean to Laxus, him taking it out on Elfman, Elfman getting beat up on by Ever for Laxus not liking him, and you…just being you. It's so much fun."

"My whole life is fun," he told her. Then, after a moment, he nodded. "But yeah. This…this is pretty awesome, ain't it? Us all living here? Together?"

"You don't live here. And neither does Laxus. Or Ever. But…yeah. It is, isn't it?"

"Mmmhmm."

"It sucks."

"Freed's definitely missing out. Poor guy."

"Poor everyone. They're missing out on it too."

"That's true."

"But everyone couldn't be on it. Then it wouldn't be special, you know?"

"Of course I know," he told her. "We're connected, rememeber, kid? I know everything about you."

"Same."

"Well…maybe not everything."

"Huh?"

He took a deep breath before saying, "I used to, like, pee on things when I was a kid."

"Pee on things?"

"Yeah. When I still had my parents. I would… I dunno. I saw a dog do it once and…and… They used to spank me for it. I get it, now, but back then… It's just something you should know. If you're gonna know every-"

"No," Lisanna told him with a frown. "It's not."

"But-"

"No," she repeated. "I'm serious. Keep those things to yourself and I'll keep my dirty secrets to myself. Agreed?"

"Well, I wanna at least know one of yours. It's only fair."

"Um…err…" She thought. "Oh. Well, when I was a little kid, I used to like the taste of dirt. And ate it all the time. Until Mira made me stop."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"You learn somethin' new every day."

"So are we even?"

"Sure thing…dirt eater."

"Shut up, dog."

He snickered. "We're a match, ain't we?"

"Completely."

* * *

**Didn't feel like writing on any of the stories today, so you guys get this instead. I liked it. **


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